Aussie Life

Why I’ll Never Caddie Again

Chief has been bitten by the golfing bug – and I mean a serious one. 2019 has seen him have umpteen lessons, purchase new equipment, and take his son on a ten-day golfing holiday to Thailand.

A couple of weeks ago on our way to the Gold Coast for an overnight stay, I was cornered into becoming his caddie for an 18-hole round. The whole experience had been upsold in such a way that I agreed (sucked in!) “The course is lovely. It’s green and lush. There is lots of wildlife and birds; you’ll love it”

‘Okay’ I thought. ‘Great, I love the outdoors’ A lovely walk in nature and spending some time with Chief and an ice-cold beer at the end of it; what could possibly be nicer?

The first hurdle was the heat. T-off was mid-morning but it was already stinking hot and very humid. Thankfully we had a buggy but this meant that my lovely-walk- in-nature became a hang-on-tight-Chief-is-driving-a-buggy-in-nature instead.

The second hurdle was overcoming my toilet anxiety. Are there toilets on the golf course? Would I have to head all the way back to the club house to make use of the facilities? Surely there’d be loos somewhere? I was estimating that maybe somewhere around the half-way point. After all rehydrating was all about self-care and besides, our buggy came equipped with a little coolbox attached so we could keep our water nice and cold – as sure as B follows A, using the loo was all part of the course! When Chief did point out the facilities I can’t remember which hole we were on – by now they had all started to blend into one. I opened the door and was confronted by a swarm of mosquitos; this was going to be tricky I decided. Without going into too much detail, I was quick and resembled a windmill to prevent said mozzies landing on me long enough to bite.

Then there’s the code of silence because we wouldn’t want to put the other golfers off their shot would we…? Apparently I was too loud. Too loud taking photos, too loud counting (okay I was adding up the score out loud and not in my head, doesn’t everyone?) Too loud talking and probably too loud thinking – beacuse I do this out loud too!

I thought I was getting into the swing of things (get it?) when we approached the greens and I knew to putt one needed a putter (I kid you not!) Naturally I was ready with putter in hand so that Chief didn’t have to distract himself by stopping to select the correct club – I was going great guns with this but then the dreaded code-of-silence reared its ugly head again.

By the 18th hole I was done and so looking forward to that cold beer that had been on my mind since leaving the club house over four hours earlier – four hours! Chief then informed me that caddies aren’t allowed in the bar. I wondered if he was pulling my leg but I didn’t care to find out. I had played up just enough not to be asked again.

Since starting this post, Chief has played three rounds of golf and you know what? He informs me that golf is great for networking. How can any networking take place once the code of silence has been enforced? Is it all raised eyebrows or a nod of the head here or a nod there? Does it all happen at the 19th hole? One of life’s little mysteries but I can assure you, it was four hours of my life I won’t get back. I’ll leave you withe some non-golf photos I took during my caddie experience and yes, I did distract Chief taking photos too! Happy new year everyone.

By Waking the Wombat

Life - part two; Australia. Having spent the first 39 years of my life in England, with two adult children who don't need me so much, a workaholic husband and a head full of stuff waiting to be unleashed, Waking the Wombat is my place to share life's experiences with you.

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